I had a heart attack over Christmas, just eating hospital food and nothing else for ten days I lost twenty-one pounds. One vistor told me she read somewhere that for every ten lbs. a man loses , his pecker grows an inch. I checked next morning, in the shower ,and she was right, I could now look down and see all two inches of it!

When I was in army basic training, one day in front of the barracks the sergeant shouted, " All right, all of you idiots can Fall Out!" Everyone except one Newfoundlander turned right and dismissed. He stood there smirking , the corporal stood in front of him and tried to stare him down. The Newf said "There sure are a lot of them, aren't there, Sarge!"

As we taxied down the runway, in the Boxcar (C119) crowded in like chickens,taking off for a parachute jump, I let an awful permeating fart. One of the guys near me said," Jesus Paul, did you shit yourself?" I said," Oh, shut up, you don't have to sit in it.!"

I always state that no celebrity , rich person or such, much impresses me. I follow the old adage, we all have to take down our pants to shit! But, one time I was at a wedding at the Saint John , N.B. yacht club and went outside on the deck with my drink. Using the phone booth was a man I had watched on TV for many years and always was impressed by him. While he was on the phone, I stopped and was saying or blubbering, your're? you're? you're? He hung up ,said Hello and told me his name! William F. Buckley Jr. After I recovered, I roamed down near his yacht, but could see he had company, so didn't bother to have a conversation, which I wanted to ,badly!

Hanging on the Wall in our guest bedroom.

TO OUR GUESTS


You are welcome here,
Be at your Ease.
Go to bed when your ready,
Get up when you please.

Happy to share with you,
Such as we got.
The leak in the roof,
The Soup in the pot.

You don't have to thank us,
Or laugh at Paul's jokes.
Sit deep and come often,
You're one of the folks!

Make sure you kneel beside your bed evey night and say your prayers before going to sleep and when you die you may end up in Cape Breton.

This Texan arrived at the Pearly Gates and was met by St. Peter, right away the Texan said, "This is the Pearly Gates? , We've got bigger and better than this in Texas!" As St. Peter continues the tour, he got pretty tired of the Texan, always saying we got bigger and better in Texas, so St.Peter took him over to the edge of a cloud and said, "Look down there!", they were looking into Hades/Hell, "have you got anything in Texas like that?" The Texan said, "No, we haven't, but, we have a few good old boys that could put that out for you ! "



On a visit to Canada, President Clinton was scheduled to play golf against Prime Minister Chretien at the Highland Links course located in Cape Breton Highlands National Park.
Clinton doesn't like to lose so he asked his people to contact the designer of the course, he wanted to speak to him to increase his luck. They come back to say the man who built the course was dead.
Well, this was just around the time cell phones were getting popular so one company had given the President free use of a phone, only his was special, he could call Heaven anytime he wanted to, but the catch was, if he called Heaven it would cost him $100,000 dollars for the call. He had only used it once before, to see if he would be elected for a second term and he gleefully paid the bill.
While driving around the course with his secret service men just prior to the golf game he decided to call the designer in heaven and talk to him. He won the game,beat Chretien.
Months later he hadn't received a bill for th $100,000 , and being a pretty honest guy he contacted the cell phone company and made enquiries. The girl said, "We have no record of a long distance call Sir, where did you say you called from? " I called from Cape Breton up in Canada, in Nova Scotia." " I can't find nothing, just a minute I'll speak to my supervisor , Sir!"
The girl came back and explained to Mr. Clinton, that a call from Cape Breton to Heaven was considered a local call,and there would be no bill!